#97 - Heartbeat

Artist: Don Johnson

Album: Heartbeat

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5

MTV Top 20 Peak: 11

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 4

In the '80s, it was common for the hottest TV star in Hollywood to unleash his musical talents onto the public.  For a while it happened every year as a matter of course - Eddie Murphy (1985), Don Johnson (1986), and Bruce Willis (1987).  All three had a debut single reach the top five on the Billboard charts, but surprisingly this did not translate into long fruitful recording careers.

Of course, Don Johnson was on top of the world in 1986 as Sonny Crockett on Miami Vice.  I never watched the show myself.  But to my 15-year-old brain, "Heartbeat" was an awesome song.  I even purchased the album (actually, it was a cassette tape) and enjoyed several of the tracks.  I also drew a picture of the cover artwork in my tenth grade art class.  All the while, never realizing what a terrible song it actually was.

"Hearrrrrttttttbeat!  I'm looking for a hearrrrrttttttbeat!"  Who could resist?  This is truly one of the greatest horrible songs of all time.  The lyrics are absolute nonsense.  It's a blatant attempt to cash in on Johnson's popularity.  And yet, it is infectious from the opening notes.  A real guilty pleasure.

Give the man credit though, he put together a ton of talent for his debut album.  Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bonnie Raitt, Ron Wood, Willie Nelson.  A Who's Who of rock 'n' roll.  There's even second-generation rock royalty, future MTV VJ Dweezil Zappa playing guitar on this track.

The ridiculous video is deserving of its own article.  Fortunately, that has been written by Rembert Browne of Grantland, with a running diary of his thoughts while watching this miasma of fiery explosions and well-manicured stubble.  His analysis is so great that I don't even need to point out the "5 coolest things".  I think the only thing he missed was the appearance of Paul Shaffer at 3:35.

And one more thing.  Just when I had resigned myself to the idea that I would never understand this video, I came across this VHS tape.  For only $70 you can buy a 65-minute version of the "Heartbeat" video.  After reading through the reviews, it is clear that this deal is not to be missed.  From the editor: "Heartbeat is a surrealistic journey into the experiences and reflections of a documentary filmmaker (played by Don Johnson) as he evaluates the people and places that have made up his life."

Everything makes sense now.  Move over Sgt. Pepper's, Don Johnson is looking for a heartbeat.

#98 - To Be A Lover

Artist: Billy Idol

Album: Whiplash Smile

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 6

MTV Top 20 Peak: 5

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 9

This was another video that deserved a higher rank given its weekly chart success and longevity.  It was doomed by a November debut.  Often, a video gaining popularity so late in the year was forgotten at top 100 time.

The video peaked at #5 on the last top 20 show of 1986, and held that position in the first top 20 show of 1987.  As a result it became one of only two videos to appear in the top 100 countdowns for both years, placing at #78 in 1987.  We'll hear about the other one very soon as it also got predictably hosed.

"To Be A Lover" was the first and most successful single from Billy Idol's "Whiplash Smile" album.  The song was written by William Bell, an American soul singer who had a 1968 R&B hit with a slow bluesy version called "I Forgot To Be Your Lover".

Idol's version was nominated for the Best Male Rock Vocal Performance at the 1987 Grammy Awards (along with three songs that made the top ten in this top 100 countdown).  From the opening notes, it's a powerhouse rock 'n' roller with strong female backing vocals.

As with every video on this blog, a link is provided for your viewing pleasure.  Luckily, it contains exactly five very cool features:

1) Billy emerges from backstage and performs in a boxing ring.  Can't get much cooler than that.
2) In huge block letters above the stage: TONITE.  It's funny when words are misspelled.
3) The three ladies singing background vocals.  The blonde in the middle is most famous for disappearing into a cartoon in the landmark a-ha video "Take On Me".
4) Two piano players.  On the stage is a man in a brown suit and hat, sucking on a big long cigar.  The one in the ring, I'm sorry I can't tell if it's a dude or a chick.
5) Just Billy Idol doing Billy Idol things.  Sneering, preening, just vintage Idol.

#99 - Manic Monday

Artist: Bangles

Album: Different Light

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 2

MTV Top 20 Peak: did not chart

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 0

"Manic Monday" put the Bangles on the map.  It was the first of five top 5 hits in the 80's for the all-girl band from Los Angeles.  Their emergence seemed to catch MTV off guard, as the video missed the Top 20 countdown. 

When it came time to build the yearly top 100, MTV must have realized they goofed.  So they stuck it in at #99, making it one of four videos in the top 100 that never charted on the weekly countdown.

The song was written by Prince, who gave it to the Bangles as part of an attempt to seduce lead singer Susanna Hoffs (allegedly).  Ironically, it was also Prince who prevented the song from becoming a #1 hit, as his "Kiss" topped the charts while "Manic Monday" peaked at #2.

It's a catchy tune with vividly descriptive lyrics, beautifully sung by Susanna Hoffs.  It was my introduction to the Bangles and made me a fan.  Here is a great article about the song that sums it up perfectly.

Are there five interesting things in the video?  Why yes there are.

1) A cool sequence of images: birds in shadow, an eye, flowers, skyscrapers, flying money and alarm clocks.  And that's just the first five seconds.
2) Anytime Susanna Hoffs is on camera.  Oh man, those sideways looks.
3) The Bangles navigating the streets with regular people, pretending they are trying to get to work.
4) The band playing in the park.  Debbi Peterson looks especially groovy on tambourine.
5) The closing image, a desk calendar with all the Mondays in 1986 flying off until the end of the year.

#100 - Is It Love

Artist: Mr. Mister

Album: Welcome To The Real World

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 8

MTV Top 20 Peak: 4

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 7

 

"Is It Love" was the third single from Mr. Mister's most successful album.  While it reached the top ten in both song and video form, it failed to achieve the high standard set by "Broken Wings" and "Kyrie", both #1 smash hits.

But you know all that because this blog is now providing stats!  Yes, it's a new feature provided as a public service.  Not a bad chart run, but also entirely forgettable when you really think about it.

I was never a fan of Mr. Mister, but over the years I came to appreciate "Broken Wings", and even "Kyrie" to a certain extent.  But I gained no such affection for "Is It Love"?  Is it love?  No, and I don't feel passionately enough for it to be hate.  It is mild to moderate annoyance.

The video is the scene of a formal dinner party at a mansion, and involves the following noteworthy moments:

1) the red-headed star of the video, obsessively snapping Polaroids of herself on a bed
2) an Edward Scissorhands-looking guy with yo-yo
3) our heroine being pawed by some bozo, who she seems to strangle later with her veil as he runs through a meadow, but this may be a dream.
4) as Red escapes the mansion (apparently because she just killed this dude), she hurls her suitcase down this grand staircase with her clothes spilling out, and this other guy klutzily trips over the suitcase (but he seems to be the bozo from before)
5) as she finally attempts to flee the compound, she is stopped by the locked security gate, and Richard Page (who has been watching much of this on a huge screen over a fireplace) boxes her in with his car. 

That's the end of the video.  It is left to our imagination what happens next.  Or not.  I hope I never see this video again.