#96 - Stages

Artist: ZZ Top

Album: Afterburner

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 21

MTV Top 20 Peak: 2

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 8

Look who dropped in from deep in the heart of Texas!  It's our favorite furry bearded wonders, ZZ Top (or "The Top", to those in the know).

Usually when people think of The Top, it's to reminisce about classics like "Sharp Dressed Man", "Legs", and "Gimme All Your Lovin'".  But The Top was still thriving in the mid-80's, and "Stages" was a solid tune.  Underappreciated, without a doubt.  It was shamefully left off The Top's 1992 Greatest Hits album.  (Did I mention that "The Top" is another name for "ZZ Top"?)

Another thing about this band.  You may notice they all have exceptionally long distinctive beards, except for one member.  The name of that man?  Frank BEARD.  Whoa!  Brutal irony!  Coincidence, or is The Top messing with our minds?

Now, this video got shafted in the year-end countdown all the way down here at #96, considering it's weekly chart performance.  A solid eight-week chart run including a two-week peak at #2.  It's time we give "Stages" some love, with all their changing, re-arranging ways.

Speaking of which, are there five things we love about this video?  I believe there are.

1) Beards and guitars.
2) A giant contraption flying through space broadcasting ZZ Top via satellite.  Don't see that every day!
3) TV's with snowy pictures.  Intentional, or is my TV just messed up?  Tough to decide!
4) Three lovely ladies on their feet at 1:21.
5) Ending with a "Stay tuned..." teaser.  Recall that the previous video from the Afterburner album,  Sleeping Bag, ended with a "To Be Continued".  The plot doesn't follow logically from one video to the next, but The Top works in mysterious ways.  Perhaps all will make sense in the end.
 

#97 - Heartbeat

Artist: Don Johnson

Album: Heartbeat

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5

MTV Top 20 Peak: 11

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 4

In the '80s, it was common for the hottest TV star in Hollywood to unleash his musical talents onto the public.  For a while it happened every year as a matter of course - Eddie Murphy (1985), Don Johnson (1986), and Bruce Willis (1987).  All three had a debut single reach the top five on the Billboard charts, but surprisingly this did not translate into long fruitful recording careers.

Of course, Don Johnson was on top of the world in 1986 as Sonny Crockett on Miami Vice.  I never watched the show myself.  But to my 15-year-old brain, "Heartbeat" was an awesome song.  I even purchased the album (actually, it was a cassette tape) and enjoyed several of the tracks.  I also drew a picture of the cover artwork in my tenth grade art class.  All the while, never realizing what a terrible song it actually was.

"Hearrrrrttttttbeat!  I'm looking for a hearrrrrttttttbeat!"  Who could resist?  This is truly one of the greatest horrible songs of all time.  The lyrics are absolute nonsense.  It's a blatant attempt to cash in on Johnson's popularity.  And yet, it is infectious from the opening notes.  A real guilty pleasure.

Give the man credit though, he put together a ton of talent for his debut album.  Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bonnie Raitt, Ron Wood, Willie Nelson.  A Who's Who of rock 'n' roll.  There's even second-generation rock royalty, future MTV VJ Dweezil Zappa playing guitar on this track.

The ridiculous video is deserving of its own article.  Fortunately, that has been written by Rembert Browne of Grantland, with a running diary of his thoughts while watching this miasma of fiery explosions and well-manicured stubble.  His analysis is so great that I don't even need to point out the "5 coolest things".  I think the only thing he missed was the appearance of Paul Shaffer at 3:35.

And one more thing.  Just when I had resigned myself to the idea that I would never understand this video, I came across this VHS tape.  For only $70 you can buy a 65-minute version of the "Heartbeat" video.  After reading through the reviews, it is clear that this deal is not to be missed.  From the editor: "Heartbeat is a surrealistic journey into the experiences and reflections of a documentary filmmaker (played by Don Johnson) as he evaluates the people and places that have made up his life."

Everything makes sense now.  Move over Sgt. Pepper's, Don Johnson is looking for a heartbeat.

#98 - To Be A Lover

Artist: Billy Idol

Album: Whiplash Smile

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 6

MTV Top 20 Peak: 5

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 9

This was another video that deserved a higher rank given its weekly chart success and longevity.  It was doomed by a November debut.  Often, a video gaining popularity so late in the year was forgotten at top 100 time.

The video peaked at #5 on the last top 20 show of 1986, and held that position in the first top 20 show of 1987.  As a result it became one of only two videos to appear in the top 100 countdowns for both years, placing at #78 in 1987.  We'll hear about the other one very soon as it also got predictably hosed.

"To Be A Lover" was the first and most successful single from Billy Idol's "Whiplash Smile" album.  The song was written by William Bell, an American soul singer who had a 1968 R&B hit with a slow bluesy version called "I Forgot To Be Your Lover".

Idol's version was nominated for the Best Male Rock Vocal Performance at the 1987 Grammy Awards (along with three songs that made the top ten in this top 100 countdown).  From the opening notes, it's a powerhouse rock 'n' roller with strong female backing vocals.

As with every video on this blog, a link is provided for your viewing pleasure.  Luckily, it contains exactly five very cool features:

1) Billy emerges from backstage and performs in a boxing ring.  Can't get much cooler than that.
2) In huge block letters above the stage: TONITE.  It's funny when words are misspelled.
3) The three ladies singing background vocals.  The blonde in the middle is most famous for disappearing into a cartoon in the landmark a-ha video "Take On Me".
4) Two piano players.  On the stage is a man in a brown suit and hat, sucking on a big long cigar.  The one in the ring, I'm sorry I can't tell if it's a dude or a chick.
5) Just Billy Idol doing Billy Idol things.  Sneering, preening, just vintage Idol.

#99 - Manic Monday

Artist: Bangles

Album: Different Light

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 2

MTV Top 20 Peak: did not chart

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 0

"Manic Monday" put the Bangles on the map.  It was the first of five top 5 hits in the 80's for the all-girl band from Los Angeles.  Their emergence seemed to catch MTV off guard, as the video missed the Top 20 countdown. 

When it came time to build the yearly top 100, MTV must have realized they goofed.  So they stuck it in at #99, making it one of four videos in the top 100 that never charted on the weekly countdown.

The song was written by Prince, who gave it to the Bangles as part of an attempt to seduce lead singer Susanna Hoffs (allegedly).  Ironically, it was also Prince who prevented the song from becoming a #1 hit, as his "Kiss" topped the charts while "Manic Monday" peaked at #2.

It's a catchy tune with vividly descriptive lyrics, beautifully sung by Susanna Hoffs.  It was my introduction to the Bangles and made me a fan.  Here is a great article about the song that sums it up perfectly.

Are there five interesting things in the video?  Why yes there are.

1) A cool sequence of images: birds in shadow, an eye, flowers, skyscrapers, flying money and alarm clocks.  And that's just the first five seconds.
2) Anytime Susanna Hoffs is on camera.  Oh man, those sideways looks.
3) The Bangles navigating the streets with regular people, pretending they are trying to get to work.
4) The band playing in the park.  Debbi Peterson looks especially groovy on tambourine.
5) The closing image, a desk calendar with all the Mondays in 1986 flying off until the end of the year.

#100 - Is It Love

Artist: Mr. Mister

Album: Welcome To The Real World

Video: From YouTube.

 

Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 8

MTV Top 20 Peak: 4

MTV Top 20 Weeks: 7

 

"Is It Love" was the third single from Mr. Mister's most successful album.  While it reached the top ten in both song and video form, it failed to achieve the high standard set by "Broken Wings" and "Kyrie", both #1 smash hits.

But you know all that because this blog is now providing stats!  Yes, it's a new feature provided as a public service.  Not a bad chart run, but also entirely forgettable when you really think about it.

I was never a fan of Mr. Mister, but over the years I came to appreciate "Broken Wings", and even "Kyrie" to a certain extent.  But I gained no such affection for "Is It Love"?  Is it love?  No, and I don't feel passionately enough for it to be hate.  It is mild to moderate annoyance.

The video is the scene of a formal dinner party at a mansion, and involves the following noteworthy moments:

1) the red-headed star of the video, obsessively snapping Polaroids of herself on a bed
2) an Edward Scissorhands-looking guy with yo-yo
3) our heroine being pawed by some bozo, who she seems to strangle later with her veil as he runs through a meadow, but this may be a dream.
4) as Red escapes the mansion (apparently because she just killed this dude), she hurls her suitcase down this grand staircase with her clothes spilling out, and this other guy klutzily trips over the suitcase (but he seems to be the bozo from before)
5) as she finally attempts to flee the compound, she is stopped by the locked security gate, and Richard Page (who has been watching much of this on a huge screen over a fireplace) boxes her in with his car. 

That's the end of the video.  It is left to our imagination what happens next.  Or not.  I hope I never see this video again.


 

In Memoriam: Chris Stufflestreet

Before diving into the top 100, I have something much more important to write about.  On September 19th of last year, the music and baseball card blogging communities lost one of their finest contributors, as Chris Stufflestreet passed away at the age of 39.  I should have acknowledged his death on the 1985 blog, but I was a little slow in getting the news.

Chris was the author of four terrific blogs.  Among them were two decade-themed music blogs, 80s Music Mayhem and 70s Music Mayhem.  He also wrote two baseball card-themed blogs (another favorite hobby of mine), 1973 Topps Photography and Vintage Sports Cards.

Chris was one of the greatest early supporters of my 1985 music videos blog.  As I was just starting out and trying to build an audience, he was the first person to post feedback and did so regularly.  I was always excited to get a comment from him when I would post about videos, as he would share his personal recollections and feelings.  His encouragement was a major factor in my enthusiasm to keep the blog going.

He also inspired me to be a better and more accurate writer.  In his first-ever comment on my blog, he responsed to my assertion that Katrina & The Waves was a one-hit wonder by correctly pointing out that the band actually had two other top 40 hits, one that peaked all the way up at #37.  I loved that he would dive deep into the charts to profile minor songs and give them respect.  He would also diplomatically correct me when I screwed up on reporting where a song ranked on the charts.

Since Chris scheduled blog posts for the future, his writings continued to appear after his death. 
It is fitting that his final blog post on 80s Music Mayhem turned out to be Jimmy Buffett's "Juicy Fruit", a novelty song that peaked at #45 in 1983.  The lyrics include: "Chew a little juicy fruit....it's good for the soul". 

Similarly, Chris's passionate and knowledgeable writing style was also good for the soul.  Rest in peace, sir.

Dancing On The Ceiling (Unranked)

Artist: Lionel Richie
Album: Dancing On The Ceiling
Video: From YouTube.

Another video that surprisingly missed the top 100 was Lionel Richie's "Dancing On The Ceiling".  Aside from the songs I featured previously, this was the only one to miss the top 100 despite peaking at #3 or higher in BOTH the Billboard Hot 100 and the MTV weekly countdown.

But honestly, who cares?

Hip To Be Square (Unranked)

Artist: Huey Lewis & The News
Album: Fore!
Video: From DailyMotion.

“Hip To Be Square” is a case study in irony.  Before this song, hipness and squareness were widely considered to be two completely different states of being.  But in the turbulent 80’s these opposing concepts became one and the same, as Huey Lewis & The News point out in this gripping social commentary.

Don’t believe me?  Well, 4 out of 5 serial killers agree. 

And this was another video that was gypped out of a spot in the MTV Top 100 of 1986.  It was a commercially successful song, peaking at #3 on the Billboard Hot 100.  On the MTV Top 20 video countdown it peaked at #4, holding that position for three weeks.  It spent nine weeks on the countdown.  No other video was on the weekly top 20 for that long and missed the year end top 100. 

It is surprising, because Huey Lewis & The News was at the height of its popularity.  “Sports” was one of the top selling albums of 1984, largely due to its videos being in heavy rotation on MTV.  The follow up album “Fore!” was just as strong with five top ten singles in all, and both albums reached #1 on the Billboard charts. 

So why the omission?  Very likely another victim of a late year debut, like “The Way It Is”.  It didn't reach its peak popularity until December.  But while Hornsby’s hit was ultimately rewarded with a spot on an all-time MTV Top 100 list, “Hip To Be Square” was left out in the cold.  No excuses though, MTV goofed up.

The video should not be watched by people who suffer from epileptic seizures.  It features tight facial shots of the band members, mostly Huey, usually about three inches from the camera.  Lots of nostril action.

The Way It Is (Unranked)

Artist: Bruce Hornsby & The Range
Album: The Way It Is
Video: From YouTube.

The first single ever released by Bruce Hornsby & The Range was a protest song against social injustice.  They could just as easily have been protesting their lack of inclusion in MTV's Top 100 countdown of 1986.  Plain and simple, they got screwed.

On December 13, 1986, "The Way It Is" reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.  The previous evening, the video ascended to #1 on the MTV Top 20 Video Countdown, in the midst of a ten week run on that chart.  It was one of only twenty songs to reach the top of the MTV countdown and spend at least ten weeks in the top 20.  But it did not crack the top 100 for the year.  Ex-squeeze me?  A baking powder?

The easiest explanation is the late December peak.  You can imagine that the list had to be just about ready for broadcast at that time, and maybe MTV was just too lazy to update it.  Or they forgot, or whatever.  It didn't prevent the Bangles "Walk Like An Egyptian" from snagging the #55 spot on the year-end countdown.  That song didn't hit #1 on the Billboard chart until December 20, 1986.

But in general, it's not uncommon for late December hits to get the shaft on the year-end countdown.  Madonna's "Like A Virgin" and Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me" spent the last two weeks of 1984 and 1985, respectively, at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, and those songs checked in way down at #91 and #90 on the year-end list.  Respectively.  But not respectfully.

And it's a lowdown dirty shame, because "The Way It Is" deserved a better fate.  Hornsby delivers some terrific moments on the piano, and the video is pretty cool with some nice aerial shots of the band on a big open stage.  The close-ups on Hornsby's fingers during his piano solo are also quite nifty.  And the song has aged well, having been heavily sampled by other artists, most notably Tupac Shakur in "Changes".

As a postscript, MTV apparently realized its error in the 1986 countdown.  When they broadcast a "Top 100 Videos of All-Time" countdown in early 1987, guess what video came in at #80.  There is still a lot of social injustice in the world, but maybe it's not always true that "some things never change".  Or something like that.

Where Did The Top 100 Come From?

This turns out to be a rhetorical question on the level of "why is the sky blue" and "how much product was in Mark Goodman's hair".  But we can attempt to attack the question logically.  If we start with the basic premise that #1 is supposed to be the best, and #100 is...well, not the worst, because many videos don't even make the list.  But what determines where a video is ranked?  Monkeys picking numbers out of a hat?  The process can be baffling, as I've previously ranted about in my 1985 countdown blog.

However, we are not walking blindly in the jungle.  Evidence exists which implies that the year-end countdown was at least partially based on MTV's weekly top 20 video countdown, which aired on Friday nights.  Generally speaking, the more successful a video's overall performance on the weekly countdown (in both peak position and longevity), the higher the video will rank in the year-end countdown.  With some notable exceptions as we will see.

It is difficult to assess whether the ranking of a particular video is fair, because official records of the weekly top 20 video countdowns do not exist.  Until some ex-MTV intern from back in the day cleans out their garage and publishes the original lists, we're out of luck.  Fortunately, there are dedicated archivists publishing amazing MTV chart research on the interwebs.

The music website UK Mix hosts a chat forum dedicated to the MTV Top 20 Video Countdown.  Within this forum exists some of the only surviving evidence of MTV Top 20 chart performance.  Some chart results are taken from old Rolling Stone magazines, and some from the detailed handwritten notes of scholarly MTV enthusiasts.  Some of the results shared are estimates, but considering the attention to detail, I have come to trust the results more often than not.

I owe a debt of gratitude to this forum, particularly a participant who goes by the name of "mrpenpen", who I believe to be the world's leading authority on the week to week placement of videos in the MTV Top 20 countdown during the mid-'80s.  It would have been impossible to analyze the integrity of the year-end Top 100 countdown without this resource.  Thank you all at UK Mix, your painstaking efforts have not been in vain.

And so it begins...

At the end of 1985, MTV counted down the top 100 videos of the year.  And I created this blog in response.

At the end of 1986, once again, MTV counted down the top 100 videos of the year.

And once again, here we are.

1986 was a wild year in music.  Get ready for chaos and controversy. 

For those of you who hate surprises, here is the Top 100 list.  Oh yeah, we're gonna get into it.

There are some surprising placements, as we've come to expect from MTV.  And some startling omissions.  In fact, should you lean back in your chair as you read what follows, you may find yourself literally toppling over from the shock.

Get your popcorn ready.